Of Milk, Curses, And Insanity
by Chonki
Summary: Riight. Completely random, what happens to the usual daily life of the SK cast when I'M added to their lives to spice things up a little? Chaos ensues! Read and Review!
1. Let's Get Ready!

**Of Milk, Curses, And Insanity**

By Chonki

**WARNING/S: THE STORY THAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE, OOCness, RANDOMness, AND INSANITY**

**DON'T EVEN THINK OF FLAMING ME OR I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND BEAT YOU TO A BLODDY TOMATO-ISH PULP!** Whew, now I got that off my chest, to those who are LIBERAL readers, welcome, enjoy and REVIEW! For my sanity's sake, ne?

Summary: What happens when Yoh and the gang are visited by moi? Chaos ensues! Muhaahahahahahahaha!

A/N: I am sick. I can't believe I'm actually going to be writing this! Anywho, I just can't stop thinking about this plot of mine and well… here it is! I'm just writing things that suddenly pop into my head… even if it's totally corny. Anywho, read, enjoy, and REVIEW! For my sanity's sake!

Disclaimer: I don't own Shaman King. It belongs to Hiroyuki Takei, period.

**Chapter One: Let's Get Ready!**

Hao's POV

It was the usual, ordinary day at Yoh's house as far as I could see from where I sat, perched on a tree. I could see that Yoh was training with ten times his usual weights and that that Ainu and Tao were running around, with the latter waving his kwan dao dangerously.

They entered the house and loud crashing noises, screams of terror, and curses erupted in their wake. More crashing noises as Manta came rushing in.

I smirked at what would happen if Anna 'coincidentally' walks in on all the mess. That would be nice.

I jumped off of the tree and landed behind my dear brother. He didn't seem to feel my presence as he lifted the weights up and down. I crept up to my brother silently and

"UGH BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA!" Yoh jumped up and screamed like a schoolgirl would and dropped his weights on my foot.

"OH FUCKING CRAP!"

"Hao, what are you doing here!" Yoh screamed, grabbing his chest. I smirked, ignoring my aching foot, and stalked him into the living room. His eyes turned white when he saw the carnage that wasted the living room.

"WHAT HAPPENED HERE!" he yelled, but he couldn't see the three idiots sneaking their way outside. And that was when Anna came in.

I could've sworn a vein exploded on her forehead. But anyway, she came in and saw the garbage dump of a living room and that was when I said, "Wow, what a living room, Anna!"

SLAP.

"Waah! That wasn't fair, you uptight bitch!" I screamed, rubbing my sore cheek.

SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP… "Stop, stop, STOP! My head's gonna explode!" She raised her hand at one more slap and I cried and ran away.

It was pure genius, she would never find me here! Hao, you ARE the man! That scary bitch would never have guessed that I was hiding behind this piece of tissue I found lying around.

I knew the rest were also hiding from the evil bitch. I could see that Tao hiding behind a fern tree and that Ainu hiding behind his snowboard, but I couldn't see what happened to Manta and Yoh. Poor things. I dare not say what will happen to them when Anna finds them.

"YOH!" The Tao and Ainu screamed as Yoh walked through the corridor with Anna right behind him.

Yoh turned his head slightly and felt like his heart just stopped. "AAAGHBLAHHAGLABLLAHHAAAH!" he screamed as Anna raised her HANDS.

"Oh… my… God…" I heard Tao say as Anna raised her hands. SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP! Yoh's face will never be the same again… I blinked as Anna locked on to the Ainu trying to go through a window, but couldn't since his snowboard kept on bumping onto the window frame. He was in such a panic, he was clawing at the window screaming, "Aaaahh! Mercy! Meeerrcy!" she pounced on him and balled her hands to fists.

I stayed put as Anna began to punch the daylights out of the Ainu. Tao panicked, but in a heroic attempt, took out his kwan dao and shouted his 'battle cry', "For donuts and virginity!" he took a defensive stance as Anna dropped the Ainu to the floor, bleeding.

She jumped in the air and gave the Tao a flying kick.

Kabboom! The Tao was nothing more than a star in the distant sky… or was it his kwan dao… oh well, that brings us to one last target… but I was sure she couldn't find me… but then, I could've sworn she had infrared sight!

She glared at me and raised both her hands and clapped them… my head in between…

It felt like a billion soccer players kicked my head. I rubbed my head and limped out to the yard.

But she wasn't through with us though… oh no… that was only the beginning, and I already felt like I could just roll over and die.

Ten minutes later…

Everyone namely Manta, Yoh, Ren, Horohoro, and myself were lying on the floor, battered and bruised. We could just die! But that was not the case though, we're tired!

We're not gonna take it! No, we ain't gonna take it! We're not gonna take it… anymore!

To Be Continued…

A/N: VVVVEEEERRRYYYY short chapter. Oh well, so, how'd you like it? Bad, good, evil? Tell me! I want feedback, I love feedback, I'll kill for feedback! So please, give me feedback!

Next Chapter will be up soon!

PS: sorry for making Hao like some weakling… don't hate me for being random, hate my muses! Oh, Gomen to all who find this… irksome. Ah well…


	2. I Choose You, Humi Huyu!

**Of Milk, Curses, And Insanity**

By Chonki

A/N: Yehey! I'm back! And I'm in action! Thanks to those who've reviewed me so kindly! (Breaks down and cries)

Anarte: O.o Uh, boss? I think you should get on with the story now.

Chonki: (Sobs) Right. Oh, this is Anarte (Anne-Art-eh), one of my insane muses. He helps me control my sugar addiction, muhahaha! Ehem erm… right. Disclaimer!

Disclaimer: I don't own Shaman King!

Chapter Synopsis: Hao and the others won't take it anymore, so they hire moi (under the guise of a professional) to take care of Anna. Muhahahahaha! But they don't know my sick and evil plans for their lives…… Mwahahahahahaha! I love laughing evilly… Mwaaahahahah (chokes on fly) Cough, cough, Mwaaha(cough)haha (Cough) Ha-- (pupils dilate and dies).

**Chapter Two: We Choose You, Humi Huyu!**

Third Person POV

The onsen was VERY quiet, but very clean. After Anna had beat them into a bloody pulp, they had cleaned the mess that Ren and Horo had made and were lying on the floor, swirly eyed.

Groaning, Yoh kneeled in front of Horohoro and Ren and said, "Don't do that again, please! For our health's sake." The two just nodded and fainted.

"This is nothing compared to what will happen if Jun and Pilika join Anna and make us do our 'chores'," Manta mused, he tried getting up but he felt that his legs were nothing but stubs of flesh and groaned instead.

"The agony… the AGONY!" Horo whined that earned him a THWACK on the head from the Tao. "Shut up, you idiot."

Hao stood up and balled his hands to fists. "I almost feel sorry for you guys since that scary bitch makes you go through all this crap, but now that she has _me_ involved, then its… its… just plain unfair!"

"What's unfair?" a stern, female voice asked, a voice that they all knew belonged to a certain blonde itako. Hao glared at Anna who had her arms crossed. "This, Anna,"

"Oh really? You got a problem with that, Hao?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact I do…"

"Oh… okay…" Anna approached the longhaired shaman silently and circled him. She put a hand on his arm and began to rub it gently.

"Um, Anna? What are you doing?" Hao asked, almost nervously. Anna's hands stopped caressing his arms and were on his wrist…

"Since you've got a problem…" with super human strength, she twisted his arms and began to spin him round and round. "Then… get… OUT!" she let go of his wrist and he went out flying.

"AAH!" Hao shouted before disappearing into the night sky…

"Now GET BACK TO WORK!" she took out a very long whip and began to innocently whip at Yoh, Ren, Horohoro, and Manta's backs.

Somewhere in Hao's secret lair…

"Hello?" a soft voice answered. Apparently, they were having a telephone conversation.

"Hi… I have a job for you…" Hao said into the telephone receiver, his voice bordering on maniacal. "Follow the instructions, and meet me in my secretest of secrety secret lairs, okay?"

"Uh… right." The other line goes blank. You know, when it does that beep sound.

"Good… hehe, meet your match… scary evil witch."

A dark cloud had descended on the Asakura residence that day and the others had noticed that it was not the weather… it was a snow machine gone bad…

"Ainu no baka! Where'd you get that snow machine!" Ren shouted. The Ainu glared back and puffed indignantly.

"I got it from a junk art convention."

"Right… I never knew idiots could mingle with other idiots…" Ren said as he scowled. "HEY! I'm not an idiot!" Yoh pouted waterfall tears. "I was there with him…"

"Right, and if you don't call that idiocy, I don't know what is!"

In Hao's secretest of secrety secret lair…

"This is your secret lair?"

"Uh-huh"

"But… this… is… the… BATHROOM!"

"Your point is?"

"This is sick,"

"I know. That's why no one will ever find out my secret lair is here!"

"Hao, get the hell out of the GIRL'S CR you freak." Anna called from the outside. Hao glared and shouted, "How the hell did you find me here?"

"Hmm… Hao Pervert YOU!" she shouted. Her head was as red as a tomato and she felt like exploding like a… like a… bubble-gum!

Hao turned to his 'friend' and smiled. "I'm sure you can handle this, I have complete and utter trust in you,"

His friend fidgeted and shifted his footing. "But why me? You can take care of that girl on your own!"

"That's because I'm too lazy to do anything about it, besides, women like her don't even deserve a second of my attention…"

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY, HAO!" Anna's voice from the outside seemed pissed off… a lot. Hao's friend ignored her and referred to Hao.

"So you hire someone to get the hell beat out of them for you!"

"Uhm… maybe!"

"You're sick."

"That's what they all say, but look at me! I'm too damn gorgeous for my own damned good!"

"Riiiiight, let's get this over with… I still have a LIFE to go back to…"

"OPEN THIS DOOR, HAO OR I'LL BUST IT OPEN!" Anna shouted, very, VERY angry now.

Hao opened the door and jumped high in the air and struck a 'powerful' pose when he reached the ground. "I choose you, HUMI HUYU!"

Silence.

Hao cleared his throat and repeated. "HUMI HUYU!"

And suddenly someone appeared from the bathroom and stared at Anna. He looked nauseated and seemed like he could just roll over and die. He had silver hair and blue eyes and his skin was fair. He coughed that made a "Heckle, bleghck, blubghckber, ghawf, argh," sound.

"Eeew…" Anna said as she stepped back and started to run away. "That was quick! Go now, Humi and show her who's boss!"

"I hate you…" Humi said before he ran after the fleeing itako. "The feeling's mutual!" hao said before turning around and headed for Yoh's room, an evil plot in his mind. He didn't see Humi running towards Horohoro's room and lock himself in as he rubbed his palms together with and evil smile on his face. "Mwhahahaha… they have absolutely no idea of my presence here… oh, except for you Narrator." He said, all googly eyed.

Humi laughed maniacally and ran after the still running itako. While Yoh, Ren, and Horo were playing hide and go die, and Manta was cleaning the toilet and while Hao was putting his evil plot in mind for Yoh's room, Humi was laughing like an evil maniac on a sugar high… which was likely…

To Be Continued…

A/N: Gomen if you think Hao is like such a wimp! As I've warned OOC! Anywho, I LOVE FEEDBACK! So why don't you guys review? Give me a few hints and tips, it's a chance for you to say what part of the story pissed you off. Hehehehe…

Narrator: At least Humi appreciates my hard work!

Chonki: O.o Riiiight. You do know that _I'M_ Humi, right?

Narrator: (gulps nervously) Of course I know that! I'm the narrator! I know everything!

Chonki: Riiiight… say goodbye to the readers, you lazy bum!

Narrator: (pouts) Fine. Buh-bye, Readers! Stay tuned for the next chapter of this pointless story!

Chonki: (eyes flare up) You dare call this pointless!

Narrator: It is.

Chonki: You have a point. Bye! See ya next time! (smiles a cheesy smile as he hides a gun behind his back) Uhh… narrator?

Narrator: What is it now?

Chonki's gun: BOOM! Now your dead!

Chonki: O.O You… can talk?

That's all, arigatou for reading… so why don't you review!


	3. The Battle For Funbari Onsen!

**Of Milk, Curses, And Insanity**

By Chonki

A/N: Sorry it took me an ETERNITY to update, but you know what they say… ne? Since so many wonderful people wonderfully reviewed me with wonderfully wonderful reviews, I'll continue this pointlessly random story of mine!

Thanks to those who reviewed my story. Now, I'd like to uhhh… reply those reviewer guys!

To HaoDareYu: FEATHERTOP! How in the nine circles of Hell did you find this fic? You read the bulletin on friendster or something? Oh well… you can't tease me to hell, G. I'm not staying in Iloilo for long. I'm like going to Lambunao to continue my schooling there (T.T). Oh well, nice to see you alive and… um… reviewing!

To Raini Day Riot: This isn't really one of the 'first' funny stories… try reading 'Never a Boring moment in Boarding School' by unicorn13564… that is if you can take Yaoi… Or maybe even… 'Shaman Fanfiction' and… 'The Shaman King Fanfiction Of Unmentionable Horror' I dunno, it's something like that… Thank you for that very wonderful review! Oh, here's your update, I hope you like it!

To Andrea Nefisto: Like… Everyone's insane! I like your review… it's funny… So, you like the bathroom part! Me too! Oh… and… like… what made you think that I was a……… girl? (T.T)

To Papaya: Don't worry about Faust… I'll put him here (Creepy background music) somehow… (maniacal laughter)… oh, here's your update!

To Asakihe: Hey, at least SOMEone out there thinks this is evil… a million thanks for thinking this is evil! (Evil laugh)

To Shaman Of The Fire: You really find this funny? FatherPen said this sucked. T-T I'm only human! (sobs) Anywho, thanks for reviewing!

Disclaimer: Like… I don't own Shaman King. I've only borrowed them without permission to 'play' with their lives… Like… yeah… like… yeah…

Chapter Synopsis: (SPOILERS! Like, that's why I'm no longer putting one up)

**Chapter Three: The Battle For Funbari Onsen!**

Anna was hiding underneath the dining table with her butt sticking out. She was like… shaking so much that her eyes were popping out of their sockets.

"Ah, my eyes!"

"AHA! So, you've been hiding underneath the table! Stupid, but good…" Humi said, his eyes darting left and right.

"Waaiiit! Can you like help me with my eyes?" she said, trying to put a couple of donuts into eye sockets.

"Uhh… why?"

"Cause… I said so?"

"And I should care why?"

"Argh. I hate you."

"Well I hate you too."

While the two idiots were battling it out, Hao had accomplished his 'mission'. He smirked evilly at his handiwork and began to laugh like a madman. He had painted every last shred of clothing Yoh had in his bedroom pink and was like… laughing hysterically. He went down and like when he passed the window, saw not one, but like… THREE of Anna's newfound friends…

Namely, the bossy bitch's apprentice, the stoned "ooh" girl, and like the saintly prude. Pilika, Jun and Jeanne.

"What a streak of bad luck…"

Just then, he saw Anna with , ew, no eyes running out to meet her friends. Hao looked at the girls' reaction and was like… horrified. Especially when he saw them glaring at _him_ who was hiding behind a tinted window… He could've sworn they have ESPN… no, wait… PCSO… no… CNN? NO! SSC! BTS! BTW! ESP! WHAT IS IT?

Right. Now was the time to act… the time has come to FIGHT FOR MIDDLE EARTH, wait, that didn't come out right, FUNBARI ONSEN! Wait, like, Humi's still here… RIGHT?

Just then, Humi limped his way towards Hao. "Hao, I've like, made juice out of that girl's eyes, can I go home now?" he said, panting slightly.

"No, Humi, it is time… for us to fight!" Coincidentally, downstairs where Yoh and the others were like hanging out, the song "We're not Gonna Take it" was playing in Yoh's headphones.

"We're not gonna take it… no, we're not gonna take it, we're not gonna take it, anymoooooooooore," Yoh sang, rocking his head up and down and at the same time head banging Manta to a pulp.

And then… Jun, Pilika, Anna, and even Jeanne entered the house with evil glares, except for Anna though, she had no eyes.

"It's payback time!" Pilika shouted. They approached their preys very, very, very, slowly… so slow they're like… slow.

"NO!" shouted Hao. "Like, no, what he said." Humi sighed.

"Oh yeah? I want to see you jerks prove us wrong!" Pilika shouted in reply. Jun, Anna and Jeanne nodded in agreement. "We will!" Hao said and put his fingers to his mouth and whistled really, REALLY loud. Yoh, Horohoro, Ren, and Manta came rushing to his side like… really ferociously cute guard tadpoles!

"Guys, this is what we've been training for since we were born! It's time to act! It's time to… RUN!" Hao screamed and dashed off, leaving Humi and the others stranded, trapped in the clutches of the evil girls.

"Hao's right! Let's go!" Horo shouted and made to run, but a blue hairy whip thing twirled around his ankle and like… itched… A LOT! Ren and Yoh ran for their lives with Manta and Humi left to be dealt with by Anna.

This is was even weirder than Humi anticipated… Anna was currently looking through a couple of dinner plates for eyes. "Now DIE!"

Hao heard terrible screams of terror that was full of terror because the screamers were filled with terror and their hearts were terrified because of the terror that was in their hearts because they were filled with terror!

He could see Manta being hanged upside down with some sort of white cotton… until he realized they hanged the boy with underwear… _his_ underwear.

Yoh and Ren stumbled back when Hao burst between them screaming, "The horror! Oh for the love of cheese! The horror!"

Humi, on the other hand, was looking smug… he was holding a remote control that looked all remote control-ly like. "Why must I always save your asses?" he pressed the remote and explosions rocked the onsen.

They looked out the window to find that the girls had… MULTIPLIED!

"Oh… my… God…" Horo whined as he saw a hundred Pilikas shouting threats about donuts and more training and even more donuts. Humi looked stunned. "Oops."

"Damn! Thanks to you, we just got Hell delivered to us!" Ren shouted.

"Well, yeah minus the searing heat!" Humi defended, covering his eyes as he saw an army of Annas marching towards the house.

"It's time to fight back!" Hao said as he gave them all a box each. Yoh looked inside the box he was holding and said, "Hao, how are we going to fight back with these?"

"Just throw them out the window!"

They shrugged and did as told and threw thousands of Hao's pictures. It was raining Haos that day.

"Um, that helps us how?" Ren said as the girly girl girl army marched towards the house.

"No girl can resist my sexy body!" Hao said proudly, flexing his body and grinning his cocky grin.

"I hate to burst your very BIG bubble, but, it's not working!" Humi said, staring out the window. "WHAT!" Hao screamed and ran towards the window.

"Impossible! THEN THAT MEANS THEY'RE NOT GIRLS!" Hao said, then suddenly a barrage of shoes with very long and VERY sharp heels began to destroy the window Hao was looking out of.

"So much for his brave attempt for being cool."

"What are you talking about? I am cool."

"Riiiiiiiight!"

Humi pressed another button on his remote control and then more explosions rocked the earth. They all looked out the window to see that the girl clones turned into… teddy bears… from hell.

Within seconds the four girls were cornered and were thrown into the house…

Manta blinked. "Um… can someone get me down from here?"

To Be Continued…

A/N: Well... that was corny… tell me if that was random enough for you sugar high people! Oh, my sincerest apologies to the OOCness.PLEASE keep those reviews coming… remember my motto… Kill to be reviewed! Yeah… like… yeah…

Anarte: uhm… boss?

Chonki: Yes?

Anarte: Like… why teddy bears?

Chonki: I'm allergic to their fur things.

Anarte: Oh… but why teddy bears? I mean, they're so cute and stuff!

Chonki: (Eyes flare up) You dare question my power! (Suddenly eats a lot of butter scotch things)

(Anarte Gasps and runs away)

Chonki: Right. REVIEW!


	4. Surrounded Like A Bunch Of Rabbits

**Of Milk, Curses, And Insanity**

By Chonki

A/N: Whew, that was fun! Okay, it took me some time to update 'coz I had a very busy summer and because of the 45 degree Celsius heat wave thing… ah… yeah. I got so many reviews! (Does high five with himself) I feel so honored to receive so much feedback… though some were a little weird for my own conscience (?)…

Okay…

To Krys - That wasn't random enough? (looks hurt) Oh well, I'll try to make up with this one! I hope this satisfies your randomness addiction!

To OtakuNekoGirl - You really think so? Well… here's the continuation!

To Andrea Nefisto - So… you like OOC? I do too. Ah well… Here's an update!

To EmeraldeAvenger - Thanks for the review!

To Pristine Harbinger - Yeah, I know what it means having to log-in all the time, but since I'm not such a lazy bum like SOME people I know (eyes dart left and right) I get to give SIGNED reviews… not that I don't take anonymous reviews… Anywho… I think I'll consider your reviews as flames now… but thanks for the review! Oh here's your update… (takes something Anarte is shoving in front of him and reads) You think my story is stupid? Well, I'm sorry if my story won't fit into your standards, PH, then don't read the freakin' story you hear! Like… that's what warnings are for… you… person!

To RuwiHanasawaSux - This is breath taking? (Stares at the computer) Thanks, that was inspiring. Oh, you're FT's cousin?

To Pixi3 - OMG! You really think so? Yippee!

Whew…

I just read this story by Garnet-chan "Yoh Is Mine!" And well, I've been inspired by it! Yeah along with Magical-Stan's fic. Anywho, why don't we just go on and read!

Disclaimer: I don't own a thing. If I did, I'd be in it… we all have our over ambitious plans… don't we all?

Hai, review please! Remember, I'd kill for feedback! Feedback! Feedback! Feedback! Feedback! Feedback! FEEDBACK!

Oh and WARNINGS: This story contains OOCness and RANDOMness and extreme character bashing… so if you don't like the story GET OUT. If you think this story is stupid GET OUT! I don't tolerate stupid flamers who didn't read the freakin' warnings. So if you have a problem with this story GET OUT! Oh, you have problems with warnings… GET OUT!

Now to those who came to read because they actually LIKE my story… please, go on and read, enjoy and REVIEW!

**Chapter Four: Surrounded Like A Bunch Of Rabbits**

"Oh no! We're trapped like a bunch of rabbits!" Horo whined as he looked out the window. Hao and the others were now cuddled together discussing a game plan while Horo screamed and ran around flailing his arms in the air.

Humi sighed and snickered as he heard the "planning of strategic escape".

"First, we bake a cake."

"What for?"

"Wippee! A party!"

"Shut up, Yoh! It's not for a party! It's for our escape!"

"I broke a nail!"

"But what is the cake for?"

"But, Anna, how can we escape with a cake?"

"That's what I'm trying to explain if only you stop inter--"

"You are an IDIOT, Yoh, let Hao explain!"

"How dare you talk to Yoh like that!"

"Oh no! I broke my hair!"

"Um… guys, like… what is the cake for, Hao?"

"If only they stop--"

"Hao, help! Anna and Ren are fighting over me!"

"We are not, you idiot!"

"You're just jealous I'm engaged with him!"

"Oh no! I forgot to turn off the iron at home!"

"WILL YOU GUYS SHUT THE FCK UP!" Pirika screamed. Everyone stared. "Hao. Explain. NOW!"

"Ahem… right. We will use the cake as a peace offering! When in truth we will be hiding in it! So when they're eating, we bust out and make our escape!"

"But, Hao, won't that like leave us at the middle of that army of cute, fuzzy murderous teddies?" Yoh asked, putting a finger to his chin in thought. "Oh yeah…" Hao laughed.

"How do you suppose we fit in a cake?"

"EASY! I don't know." Suddenly, a brick hit Anna on the back of her head, sending her new Ping-Pong ball eyes out of their sockets. Jun took the brick and stared at it hungrily…"

"Uh, sis? That isn't food… that's a brick!"

She ignored him as she began to hit her head several times on her head. Ren just stared. Humi was eating a donut and everyone began to stare at him. And stared. And stared. And stared until Humi screamed and threw the donut at them and ran upstairs pulling at his hair.

"We're doomed!" Horo ran alongside Humi as they dashed through the corridor and back again… and again… and again… and again…

"Will you two stop running around like a bunch of idiots! You're giving me a headache!" Anna screamed.

Another brick hit Pirika as she was eating the donut Humi threw that knocked out ALL of her teeth. "Oth greyph, nowf I'fe gof nof feef!" she screamed and ran outside only to be ripped apart by the killer teddy bears.

"Ahh!"

"YES! My sister is dead!' Horo screamed and did a double take and fell off the second floor window into the hands of the teddy bears. Humi looked outside the said window and gaped. "Sweet mother of milk, I didn't know you could use a twig for _that_!"

Hao and Yoh and Ren rushed beside him to look out the window too. "Eew… those sick perverted teddy bears!" Ren said and Hao laughed. "They're my kind of bears!" and jumped out the window.

"Oh my gosh… Hao's gone insane!" and suddenly a hole broke through the wall opposite them, knocking ALL of them out the window. And from the hole Faust stood with stomach in and metallic chest out. "Do not fear! Faust is here!" and then jumped out the window too.

Meanwhile…

"Got any twos?" Jun looked up from her hand and at Anna. The itako shrugged and said, "Go fish."

Pirika laughed (how she mysteriously came back to life… we may never know)… and revealed her hand, "I win!"

"What! How did you do that?" Jun screamed as she stared at the bass that Pirika was holding.

"Like… go fish! So I went fishing!"

Outside…

"MERCY!" Faust screamed as he kicked and punched as he was being dragged on his back to the teddy bears' HQ.

"Oh, don't fear, Faust is here… to cry." Ren said, rolling his eyes.

"Aw, don't worry… everything will work out right." Yoh said reassuringly.

"I don't think so…" Humi gulped as they were hurled into a large boiling vat of water. "Yehey! SOUP!" Yoh screamed as they fell into the boiling vat.

To Be Continued…

A/N: Dun, dun, DUNNNNN! What will happen to the guys now? And how did Pirika come back to life! Review to find out in the NEXT chapter!


	5. Attack of the Penguins

**Of Milk, Curses, And Insanity**

By Chonki

A/N: So… I've been out for a very long time, eh? Well, I'm not sure if this can satisfy your random needs for something random. Anyway, is it true that authors can't reply the reviews they get! EVIL! I mean, aw man! It's like, our only form of communication to the outside… uh…. World! And they want us to stop doing it! WHY! (Breaks down and cries while Anarte pats him on the back)

Disclaimer: I do not own Shaman King or any of its characters, trademarks, stuff, and… stuff. Okay? This is only made for the sick pleasure of the author who is sick. Okay! Okay.

**Chapter Five: Attack of the Penguins**

"Yehey, SOUP!" Yoh screamed as they were thrown into the boiling vat of water. Humi, Ren, and Faust all screamed as they splashed one by one. A loud hissing noise came from the large pot of water. Unfortunately… something was wrong… something SO wrong that it took the guys almost 1 minute to understand what was going on…

5…

4…

3…

2…

1…

"So we're just going to sit here all day?" asked Ren who was looking at a slightly flushed Horo (why he's looking like that… YOU WILL NEVER KNOW!).

"Join in the Jacuzzi, guys!" Hao exclaimed, holding a can of… something in his hand.

So as the guys were enjoying themselves in their new found jacuzzi, strange and powerful thingies were working behind the scenes… planning, spying, eating, and all those what nots. Thingies so weird that they could kill you with their bare flippers.

"Sir, everything is ready."

"Are we ready to launch Operation Make Teddies Go Cry-Cry?"

"Uh… yes, sir…"

"Good… very good."

These thingies were none other than… EVIL CRAZY PENGUINS FROM HELL! And their leader was so evil, so disgusting, so… so… weird, that he could cause the whole country of Iceland to scream in unimaginable horror…

Their leader was none other than…

Marco…

"Ahihihihihi!" he laughed, brandishing his new spangled thingamajig, a VACUUM CLEANER!

"Now, with this almighty weapon of mass distraction, I will have my REVENGE!" he shouted and ran out of his hiding place into a highway…. Well, use your imagination as to what happens to him next.

Anywho, going back to our story…

Ren felt something in the pit of his stomach rise as if he needed to let something out, something… strange.

"Um, guys? I think I just realized something…"

"What?" they all asked.

"I left the iron on the 'on' switch."

"Oh" they shrugged and continued marinating in the vat of boiling water.

3

2

1

…

"WHAT?" they all chorused and then looked at the onsen. Sure enough, the onsen caught fire and burned to ashes, body parts of the girls inside flying around all over the place. They guys looked shocked at first and then broke into tears… of joy.

"At last! They're dead! They're really dead!"

"Yippee! Anna's dead! No more laundry, no more chores, no more food! Yehey--" that was then when they all realized one thing… "No more food! NO! We're all gonna die! Somebody call 911!"

"Yoh, call my mommy!" Horo shouted in terror

"Call security!" Faust cried, his face full of anguish and… sadness.

"Call the police!" Ren sobbed, boiling his head in the water.

"Call the Army!" Yoh wailed, trying to wipe his tears with his pants.

"Call the CIA!" Humi screamed, clawing at the lip of the pot. Hao looked at Humi like he was going crazy or something.

"You're sick." He said calmly. He wanted to continue but Ren had used him as a personal foot scrub and was now being kicked in the face. Yoh, in the other hand, said suddenly, "Then call the doctor very quickly!"

"AAAH! We're gonna die! We're all gonna die!" Ren shouted, putting more force into his kicks on Hao's face, pretending panic. He was actually using it as a reason to beat the hell out of Hao… yeah.

"Ouch! Ren! Stop. Kicking. ME!" Hao screamed so loud that the big pot began to crack. Horo, who didn't want to be outmatched by Hao, began to scream too. Pretty much everyone began to scream…

That drove the teddies wild.

"The banshees! How can these teenagers be so powerful!" Shuckalafaputs, a.k.a. the Teddy General "Shucks", said in horror. The combined screams of the shamans caused the pot to break.

"Yehey! Brr… It's cold… Any of you guys have a spare pot?" Yoh said, tilting his head to the side. "YOH!"

"What? We broke the Jacuzzi didn't we?"

Horo looked at him in horror. "He's right! We have to replace it before we get cold!"

Yoh poked him on the arm and said, "Horo, you were tenderizing there a bit, but now you're going all cold." That caused Horo to scream.

The rest simply shook there heads. "So, are we going to fight our way out of here?" Ren asked, brandishing his pointy hair since he lost his weapon in the onsen. "Yes, we'll have to fight!" Hao shouted, until a leather shoe hit him on the stomach. He fell back and curled into a ball.

The teddies were marching towards them with shoes on their… paws. "Get the meats!" General Shucks ordered at his unbearably cute teddy army. "No mercy!"

They threw the shoes at the shamans and yes they had weird aim. Horo was dodging the shoes like this happened to him everyday, until Shucks hit him on the… nether regions.

"No fair." Horo said as he stared at his… crotch, then fell to the ground, paralyzed.

Yoh just giggled and ran around in circles, frantically singing a tune from some very weird Japanese song, Humi trying to catch up with him. Faust on the other hand… was smart enough to actually fight back.

He grabbed a shoe and just began throwing. He hit a red teddy bear with really big eyes, which grabbed its chest (although it was hit on the head) and fell to the ground.

Faust jumped and shouted, "Who's the man!"

Then bumped his head on a branch.

"Ahihihihihi!" Marco pranced towards the battlefield and brandished his gun. "Hao's gonna die!"

That was when he saw Ren charging into a group of teddies with his hair and hacking away at the fluffy little devils.

"Fight for your lives!" Ren said, grabbing a teddy by its head and ripping it from the body. "You teddy bears are evil!"

Marco smiled and shot his gun thingy at Shucks. The teddy bear looked at him and saw that the gun had shot a pink marble at him… he laughed hysterically until the pink marble exploded and ripped him into pieces.

"PENGUINS! ATTACK!" Marco shouted, shaking his butt as he did so. Ren stared at him and said, "Marco, you're sick!" then charged at Marco, skewering Marco wit his hair.

The cute little penguins marched as fast as they could wit their little feet and held little forks that they used to stab the teddies.

The penguins and the teddies began to fight in a desperate attempt to kill the other.

Yoh was downed by a penguin that stabbed him on the shin and finally finished him off with a stab to the toe. Humi tried his best to run away but a pink marble landed in front of him.

"Oh crap." Were his final words before he exploded into bloody pieces. Ren smiled evilly. _He_ was the one that shot a marble at Humi and now, he was the last… uh… the _only_ shaman standing.

"Mwahahahaha!" he began to shoot at penguins and teddies alike. "DIE! DIE! DIE!" was his war cry.

Hao stood up and stared at his killed brother and the bloody remains of Humi. He knew what to do… he clenched his hands into fists and ran to the battlefield, his mind resolute on avenging the fallen.

"FOR THE FOOD!" he shouted and randomly tripped on a marble and fell into a pile of fluffy bodies. He heard the explosion the marble made, obliterating the teddies that tried to grab him on the head.

"YES! I ROCK! FOR FOOD!" he shouted again and began to fight… until a marble landed on his foot. "Oh crap." Were his last words too, before he exploded into bloody pieces too.

Ren laughed hysterically and shot Horo a marble too, just to make sure that Horo died too.

Faust, on the other hand, began to fork his enemies with deadly precision. He made the letter F on the chest of a penguin and shouted, "F for FRIENDLY!" and he continued his crusade of friendship.

That was when a stray nuclear bomb landed on Ren's pointy, bloody, fluffy hair.

And exploded…

End

A/N: SO, the shocking conclusion to Of Milk, Curses, And Insanity. BUT! If you guys want me to write MORE chapters for this story or if you want a sequel, then review me.


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